Our identity is in crisis when we have to change according to the expected aims or role in society.
“I used to love gardening, but I barely have any time these days,” says a cousin whom I was visiting after years. She told me her daily routine on an ordinary day, and there was one thing that stood out.
It was leafy and untidy in the backyard of the house. There was no me-time on her agenda. Of the 1440 minutes that are in a day, she spent zero on herself, doing what she loved. She isn’t the only one, I know a lot of women who give up on their hobbies and passion because they do not have the time and energy to continue them. Time, because their days are packed caring for their loved ones, and energy because often when a woman tries to salvage her life, she is met with conflict.
Marriage brings in change in women’s priorities
According to a survey, women, spend two hours and 38 minutes Whereas men spend an average of four hours and 39 minutes “hobbies, computing and games” every week. which is nearly double the time spent by women. With the burden of “domestic chores” still falling largely on women, it isn’t surprising it isn’t just their career, that many women sacrifice at the altar of matrimony. Once women have a family and a fully functional household to care for, their priorities change.
This means that hobbies and passion take a back seat for women. Who has the time to paint, “write poetry”, go on a hike or join a dance class when there is a family to be fed, clothes to be washed, a house to be cleaned and almirahs to be decluttered? Do women, or their families ever stop to think about how much time they put into seemingly insignificant tasks like folding clothes, dusting, arranging kitchen cabinets or replenishing the pantry with grocery every month? Has anyone ever asked them if they like doing these chores? Or what would they like to do with their time, if they didn’t have to take care of these chores, that can easily finish in no time if there are more hands at work than that of the homemaker?
Important to engage in hobbies
Women have to also care for elders in their family, and ensure that every loved one in the household remains happy. Yes, this accountability to keep everyone happy needs to go away, but women can start by cutting back on the sacrifices they make for a harmonious household. What women don’t realize is that their passion can, in fact, become their source of energy and inspiration, to navigate through the hardships of life. Nobody ever said that marriage or parenting is easy. The best way to begin is by stealing some time for yourself and engaging in some hobby. And don’t feel pressed to legitimize your passion in front of anyone.
Make your own identity
Claiming your time to follow your passion is like marking territory for yourself in your existence and saying that this part of my life belongs to me. It sets boundaries for others in your life, and that is essential. Your children, husband, or parents; everyone who is very close to you should know that you have your individual identity and personality. That you have things to do apart from taking care of them. Besides our family just doesn’t love us because we attend to their needs, do they? If your husband or child truly loves you, they will be happy when you do something that brings you happiness.
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