The responsibility of every parent has increased after the Bois locker room scandal came into the lime light. There are number of things which should be explained to help the young boys know. However, here are eight most important ones:
‘Bois Locker Room’ incident, sent chills down my spine but it wasn’t surprising to many. When I reasoned it out, I could understand that in our country misogyny is a way of life for most of the so called powerful and influential people, so the same example is bound to be set for the teenage boys.
In fact movies and comments degrading women right from the ancient times had brought this kind of attitude in almost everyone.
We may expect that children who come from well-educated, wealthy families, would have broad ideas but it has become common these days that they haven’t been brought up well.
It is always easy to play the blame game like everyone of us do but it is high time that parents take the responsibility, especially the mother.
Instead of crying over split milk, we should teach our children the right things at the right age about gender equality and social respect.
The male dominated society in India and the toxic masculinity would be a hindrance to our teachings but still, let us as parents help our children, especially boys, understand many things to respect girls and women.
1. Jokes about sex or sexual assault aren’t funny
Any kind of jokes about any kind of sexual assault, harassment or abuse are not funny at all. They are spoken by tasteless people and can not be considered as fun.
2. Don’t take girls for granted
We should teach our children that any individual, other than your own self, is not your property – not your parents, not your partner, not your spouse, not your kids, not even your friends!
So you have no right to make choices for them. And neither do you get to tell them how to live their life or judge how they choose to do so. You always need to respect them, even if they are any different from you.
3. Never define a girls’ character based on her dressing
A girl’s dressing does not define her or her character. But how you choose to perceive it or speak about it definitely defines yours. So be wise while judging the girl.
When a girl says no, understand that it is a no and respect it.
When a girl says no, it definitely, truly in its utmost meaning means a no! Teach your children that before they choose to enter the world of dating, educate them on consent in interpersonal relationships.
Whether it is formal or casual, and the various connotations related it. Learn these and act accordingly.
4.Girls do not owe anything to anyone
Tell your sons that Girls don’t owe them anything– even when they are in a relationship with you. They do not owe you their bodies, their beliefs, their intellect, neither their past nor their future.
Any part of themselves they choose to share with you is entirely up to THEM. And they will always be the rightful owners of it – be it their body or any representation of it. Never you!
If something bothers you in this respect, you are always free to talk about it to them or choose to end the relation if your perspectives do not match.
But nothing, I repeat, NOTHING entitles you to any part of her body, mind or soul. And that is why there can be no place in your relationship for any kind of coercion, violence, blackmail, disregard or breach of trust.
5. Nothing can justify violence
No matter what the media tries to sell you, any manifestation of violence in a relationship is NOT okay. Neither in anger, rejection and definitely not in love. Nothing can justify violence, ever! Period.
6. Being sexist or misogynistic is not cool
Being a sexist, misogynist and Patriarchy is not cool. These should be out of your life, the ones that make you feel or look ‘cool’. Any kind of friendship is temporary compared to your conscience, which is permanent.
7. Guide them regarding Peer Pressure
Peers may try to instigate. Never fall prey to the peer pressure. Teach them that your value system should be able to handle the opposition of peer pressure and stand up against wrong notions.
8. Good human being
Train them be a good human being rather than a spineless waste of a man. Assure your son that you love him and hope that he would always find the wisdom and the courage to do the right thing in your life.